In Memoriam

Today marks 2 years since the son of this friend was killed. I posted this piece 4 days later, on 2-10-2010. Reposting it today in memory of Christian, & in honor of his parents~

You just go.
I went to a wake today. The teenage son of a High School classmate of mine died tragically this week. It was a sad day; the shocking loss, the burdens to be borne by the parents, siblings. What struck me more than anything else? The caring & tenderness between these bereaved parents - the high school friend & his precious wife. These two – deep & early into their bereavement – shared an almost palpable energy. It held them together as they huddled with visitors; nodding with some, clinging to others. It emanated from him as he helped her to a seat when the weight of their burden took her knees from her. It shone from her eyes as they slid to meet his in a lighter, easier moment.

It had been that way when we he first introduced her at our 20th reunion. The pride swelling in his chest, the adoring smiles & sweetness in each other’s glances told of a love that was rich & true; one that had spanned the stretch of some life together. Today, in the midst of a sadness that few parents know & fewer marriages survive, these two leaned into that love for dear life. You just can’t do that if there’s nothing to lean into. And for these two, there is. Thanks be to God, because they’re going to need it.

Life is not fair. This is not fair. There’s no way to explain that something like this should happen to anyone at all, much less to two bound by such a sweetness, with such an obvious love for their first born. There’s no way to decipher the meaning in the events of this week.

In these moments you simply go. You embrace the shattered mother, friend. You embrace the tearful, heartsick father. You go because it doesn’t matter what you say or don’t say. It matters that you’re there. You go, because they need to know someone will remember their son.

You go, because you would want someone to remember yours.

You go. You just go.

~~~

Macro-Photography: All in the Family

Just returned from a family reunion, where our family spent a marvelous time in the mountains of North Carolina. Kids, babies, Aunts, Uncles, my 96 year old Grandmother...

While getting back in touch with each other, I learned that my cousin Richard has gotten into Macro-photography. He has a terrific website to display his photography.

Because he sees things that the ordinary eye may not -- and has begun to capture it -- I wanted to share. Here's just an example: several years ago he found a rock while walking on the beach. He called it his "heini-rock" because - well, it looks like a 'heini'.

What do you see?







Take a minute, go by & see Richard's photos.

You'll be glad you did!

~~~

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells...

So I get this email from the "Grade Mother" of my 2nd grader's class...

**Pause for disclaimer**
Grade Mother: a position toward which I've never entertained aspirations; a mantle which I am most grateful is not draped across my reluctant shoulders, and a post for which I am decidedly unqualified, as it requires the corralling of parents (whom I wouldn't know even if they rear-ended me in the car line) into doing things they'd rather not...but for the sake of their sweet cherubs, and getting in good with the teacher. HOWEVER, some dig it, & don the mantle as a potentate would her Royal vestments. So grateful am I to not be the Royal designee, that I gleefully contribute to whatever project is being conjured (as it benefits my cherub & makes her teacher a happier person), while thanking HRH for her benevolent corralling.

...until...

I get this email which says:
"Ms. X is in the process of filling out a 'Favorites' form for me...I will use this list to buy her a nice gift for the Holiday. If you would like to contribute to her gift this year...(blah, blah)..."

I'm not sure exactly what about this particular watering down of the Christmas Season struck the nerve with me, but without pausing (long) for a deep self-reflection on the matter, I replied-to-all,

"This is fine w/ me, but is there some reason we can't call it her Christmas gift?"

From the Royal Throne: *crickets*

Then, from the huddled masses, a voice replying only to me:
"...I'm with you it's a darn Christmas gift!!! I suggested to the grade mother we buy one BIG good 'Christmas' gift.. Then she sent out the email about a 'Holiday' gift…I thought I was the only one who would ruffle a few feathers for what is RIGHT!"

"Well, thanks...sometimes we feel like we're drowning in a PC swamp..."

6 days later, by Royal decree:
"I apologize if I offended you by not calling it a Christmas gift, but I was trying to be sensitive to the fact that some families celebrate differently than you & I. Again, my sincere apologies. I am only trying to take into consideration all of the traditions of every family in the class."

...at which point my uprising continues:
"I understand your intentions are sincere...The question, at least in my mind, is how does Ms. X celebrate the season? If she is Christian, then our gift to her should honor her tradition, regardless of how you or I, or the other families celebrate...If she's Jewish, then we could honor her in that tradition, or if she's Jehovah's Witness, not at all...Just because the school system & the culture at large attempts to sterilize the Christmas season of Christ, does not mean we should with the gift to our 2nd grade child's teacher..."

"...for Ms. X it will be a Christmas gift...I have to follow certain guidelines when sending out emails to all of the parents...I have to be sensitive to all when I send these emails...For the sake of correspondence, I will continue to send emails and notes home in this manner..."

OK. So I realize that the "Royal" metaphor drips with sarcasm, but I'm just having fun (& just read the latest Ann Coulter piece ). I hold no personal feelings against this Grade Mother, & I should say (lest I be guilty of inappropriate bias) that she was diplomatic & respectful of my 'issue,' even when she refused to adjust her tone to her audience.

But, ya know, sometimes it's just the principle of a thing; and one has to illuminate said Principles, when those around have gone into the dark.

So, am I sending $$ for the 'Holiday-even-though-we-know-Ms.X-is-Christian-Gift?' Of course not. Unlike with confiscatory taxation that's leading to the demise of my society, with this I have a choice how my $$ will be spent. It will be spent honoring a good teacher, who celebrates Christmas, with a Christmas gift from the hands of my sweet, 2nd grade Cherub.

As for my rapport with the Grade Mother? It's nothing personal; I wouldn't know HRH if she rear-ended me in the car line. But after this, I should keep an eye-out over my shoulder; she might just want to.

~~~

The Cove, BGEA & the great shalom...

Hi friends~

'Been away for several days; my husband & I were out of town.

See, my brother & his wife gave us this gift certificate, like 2 years ago, for The Cove -- the BGEA Retreat Center in Asheville, NC. We tried to go last February, and had to cancel. But in August, we got an email about a "marriage retreat" featuring Chip Ingram , so we jumped on it! It was a weekend focusing on our age group (people under 45), so we would have lots in common with everyone there.

We'd never heard of The Cove prior to my brother's gift, & didn't know Chip Ingram either. But man-o-man do we know now!! 330 people were in attendance from 19 different states, & Canada.

It was a wonderful weekend, with a deeply refreshing spiritual message from the speaker. Also though, the fellowship with other Believers - some struggling in their marriages, some not - was priceless.

Mostly, what I'll 'take away' from the experience is how much I appreciate my husband, the blessing of knowing others are out there striving to live a Godly life - that we're not alone in the fight against our culture, & that God's design for marriage/family is part of His 'great shalom' :

“I will bring health and healing to it: I will heal My people and will let them enjoy abundant Shalom and safety...I will cleanse them from all the sins they have committed against me…Then this city will bring Me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations of the earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and Shalom I provide it,” -- Jeremiah 33: 6-9

And so, we're thankful to my brother & his wife for affording us the opportunity. But even more, thanks belongs to God for His ministry among His people, & His hand at work in our lives - leading us toward His Great Shalom.

Wow.

~~~

Furious NC Parent Blasts Senator Over Health Care

Remember the phrase 'Must see TV'?

This time it's "MUST view Youtube"??

NC Freshman Senator Kay Hagan made a stop in Kernersville for "Conversations with Kay" about issues that affect Seniors. The following 'Confrontation with Kay' was taped & aired (edited, of course) on our local 6:00 news. Here's the unedited exchange for your enjoyment:

(In case the video doesn't play, click the 'watch on youtube' link, or click here.)

I'm so PROUD of this mother!

I'm proud to say she's from my County (would go hug her if I knew who/where she was); proud of her tenacity, her courage, her 'verve'. And then there's this clash w/ Kay Hagan...

THIS is what heroes are made of: parents taking care of their children, doing whatever it takes to do the right thing, standing up to Big Government, getting their voices heard, & letting them know (in very certain terms) that they will NOT have our vote - ever!

Did I say we need more heroes?? Yes, & we need more like her.

God bless America!

~~~

Swimming: It's what we do in Summer!!

We dive...

We fly... We soar...

...and we win City League championships!!

Oh yeah!

~~~

In which salient HealthCare talk ensues...

Cruising around the blogs, I landed at an interesting discussion @ Left Coast Rebel. His brief post is a solid effort to tell Conservatives to buck up, put on our thinking caps & keep fighting against ObamaCare. Good thoughts & good timing. Nice appetizer. The main course came in the comment section (as it so often does @ Get the Big Idea).

After much volley, one commenter says:

"You have already determined, since no one here ever says otherwise, that universal health care is an obligation of society for those who are young, poor, disabled, seniors, or veterans..."

...um, excuse me. But I couldn't let that stand. My response:

"I'll beg to differ with ya. Disabled, Seniors, Veterans absolutely!!

But the young? That's a PARENT's/FAMILY's responsibility. Do I sound crass? Perhaps. Would I allow an indigent child to go untreated? No, but there MUST be some consequence for PARENTS FAILING their RESPONSIBILITIES!! Trust me. I've worked with the indigent population [in several places] & here's what I heard, "I'll have as many kids as I want to. The gov'ment will take care of me. They can't tell me to stop!" Ver batim from a former client.

...I AM that parent who chooses NOT to purchase, go, play, do things in order that we fulfill OUR OBLIGATION to our own children & provide for them...We buy independent insurance, paying dearly for it (it's like a second house payment). Got that? It's MY OBLIGATION!!!! [Not society's.]

Nanny state mentality is partly what has gotten us into this mess - & this [HealthCare] bill wants to give us more of it...Give me a break, & pass the buck."

Then, the salient voice of a new friend elucidates the issue for all:

"There is no social contract to pay other people's bills. Obamacare is a government mandated system that is supposed to help less than 10% of our population by pushing us down the road to not only socialized medicine, but socialism in general. Unwanted obligations amount to indentured servitude. That is what you condemn us to, all for a small percentage of the population.

This is the same religious fervor that espouses the end of the world due to anthropogenic climate change [Global Warming]. We now know that is a hoax.

As usual, socialists pitch to the lowest common denominator with emotion rather than rationale. Most people in this country oppose this plan...Under the current legislation proposed, this would change just about everything in an effort to get people on the government dole. It's ludicrous...

...Traditionally people got medical insurance to protect against bankruptcy and destitution from a catastrophic illness or injury. It wasn't meant to pay for every little hang nail and stubbed toe. Medical insurance has in fact impeded the free market that we used have and has driven costs up.

Lastly, you cannot insure health. All of us will die eventually, no matter what care one has. The insurance only mitigates financial risk...at the expense of others. Spreading the risks out further, through one plan, will only serve to cause even more restrictions on service and quality in an effort to contain costs.

That is why you see in countries with a single payer system, after a certain age, the wait for services grows arithmetically and in some cases is infinite. The end result of Obamacare, if it passes, is that the fabian socialists finally push the cart of capitalism over the edge of the cliff, and they know it, too.

The end game is to reduce humans to the same level as farm animals."

The end.

How could I presume to say more?

~~~

Me, Invisible?

A word of encouragement for any 'Cathedral builders' out there - especially mothers. Remember this when you feel somewhat 'invisible' or insignificant:




Whatever Cathedral you happen to be building in this season of your life, "let's pray that our work will stand as a monument" to our great God.

Be encouraged, friends, because nothing is invisible.

Amen & amen.

~~~

Remember?

The fervor over Pam’s recent post (about 9-11 & Remembrance thereof) started me thinking…Dear one that she is, Pam & I exchanged some email, sharing bits about our own 9-11-01 experiences. Yesterday, as I typed my last few lines to her, a nagging sense of familiarity tugged the back of my mind…Then like the pop of a broken light bulb, my memory jolted alert: I’ve written a piece about this!

At the end of this month, "Get the Big Idea" will turn 1 year old. In my first post, Primary Perspectives , I told the blog world that I’d been “writing for some time with a sense of discovery & anticipation, & with a notion that perhaps I have something to say.” Back in early 2007, (pre-blogging) I wrote a piece for a little 'contest' that was supposed to be a 'personal memoir.' Today, the irony of that "memoir's" timely subject is not lost on me, & I’d like to share it with you, very close to its original form, edited only for length/clarity:

Remember Who You Are

Here and now, this may seem a tired incident about which to speak. It may even seem cliché. Some may believe it’s not ‘fresh and new,’ that it’s been overdone, that it’s now passé. My perspective is different. As I examine the brand it has left on me, I hope that God and reason forbids we ever become the hardened, soulless people who could forget the world-shattering shock of it, the cold, calculated, slithering evil of it. God forbid that we dismiss the lasting impressions of what that day did to us, in favor of the next new thing. Surely we won’t. Please tell me, someone, that we’re a people who can cull and sift wisdom from the wreckage and allow it to sear our souls. Tell me that we can become a more convicted nation, looking deeper into ourselves and each other than surface reflection permits.

It all seems, in a way, like a gathering thunderstorm. There was, or must have been, the low rumbling growl. I didn’t hear it, but someone must have. I never saw the approaching thunderhead. I never heard the snarling undertone. But when the onslaught came, there seemed no shelter left to seek.

It could not have been a more splendid day. In my home two little boys dressed for swimming, and I was busy with the machinations of early morning. Daddy had been gone for hours.

Our trip to the Y was commonplace. We were late, at 9:05 am. Another mother slid in beside me on the bench, “Did you hear anything about a plane crashing into the World Trade Center?” she asked.

“What…? Um, no. I didn’t hear,” was my response.
“My husband called me in the car,” she said. “He says a plane crashed into the towers…pilot had a heart attack or something…”
“Hmm. Strange,” was all I offered.

Swim lesson over, & on our way to the library, we stopped for gas. The attendant gave a warning, “Ma’am, you’d better fill up. We may not get any more for days.”

“What…?” I heard echoes of my own voice, an eerie déjà vu snaking up through my awareness.

The radio, ever tuned to news-talk, was crackling with bits and snatches of a story too confusing and unbelievable to be real. The whole dial was swarming with reporters reading fluttering press releases. Descriptions of scenes came from stammering, bewildered voices sketching out the implausible, unimaginable carnage.

“My God...” My gasp was not an expletive; it was a guttural plea. “Oh, my God…”

I drove home through the debris-field of talk radio, trying to make sense of it, with two very normal, oblivious boys in the back seat. Our library, a government building, had closed. Our airport, where my in-laws were to have flown out just that morning, was closed; air traffic locked down. Our own small city --our life-- had suddenly shrunk in around us.

In my own home, unfathomable images violated my TV screen, piercing the heart of our quiet, safe life. Images of destruction, annihilation, and death billowed into our home. My husband & I sat watching in silent awe. Nothing we had ever known had prepared us for this.

The following days and weeks revealed desperation, searing grief, and truly valiant heroism. Officials from all political angles displayed a unity never seen in my lifetime. With remarkable determination, they laid aside agendas to collaborate with angry solidarity for the greater good. For the first time in my thirty-three years, I got it. Along with the tragedy & bitter-sweet heroism, these days revealed the hidden portrait of our American Republic in its purest form. We were, in September 2001, through terrible tragedy, remembering who we are.

I watched my America & our people in action: political enemies embracing; politically correct labels falling away; men, women, & children on their knees seeking God. These things filled me with a love for my country and her people that I had never before experienced. I was never more proud to be American.

Here and now, in the time since 9-11, do we still remember how incredibly exceptional our America is? From that horrible wreckage, what wisdom have we culled & sifted for her? Our Founding Fathers could never have envisioned her modern predicament, but their inspired wisdom laid the foundation for who she is. Have we remembered? Will we allow the lasting impression of that day to instill in us a remembrance of who we’re supposed to be? Oh, I hope so. Someone, please tell me so.

As for me? I am insignificant in a sea of harsh realities. But I am one, & have been branded nonetheless. The imprint of 9-11-01 drives me to live the change that I want to see. I will hold up hope toward each day humbly, & with deep, soul-aching gratitude. I will fiercely cherish those whom I love, knowing that today’s breath could be tomorrow’s memory. I will be gracious to strangers who cross my path, mindful that I, too, am a stranger. And I will add my voice to the conversation of our time, because its dialogue invokes the gravity of our very survival.

On 9-11-01 all pretense was stripped away, and what remained was naked principle. Thus, as a child of the exceptional Republic, an American woman, I will no longer remain silent in my convictions. I will be thankful; and I will remember who I am.

~~~

Thank you friends, that so many of you have listened as I’ve told some of my story. Thank you that we’ve wrestled together through our principles, & with any luck we've emboldened our convictions. I am in your debt for your wisdom & your encouragement, & I am grateful. And I will keep remembering.

~~~

The assurance of things hoped for...

Today I was reminded that all parents, at one time or another, struggle w/ a common theme: Is what I'm doing for my children making an impact? Is what I do for them going to benefit them in the long run? Have I made the right choices for them, for our family? Never are these struggles any more piercing than when our child (or we ourselves) are in some kind of crisis. We question ourselves & second guess every move made (or at least I do).

But even in the day to day, these parent-struggles can plague our lives, sucking the joy out of our ordinary. Because after all, life is lived & true joy is found in the ordinary. Our lives are not meant to be Disney all the time. We human beings are not built for that. We can't take it - would that we could ask Michael Jackson; he'd likely agree. God rest his poor, tortured soul.

No, life is to be savored in the plain-old. That's the biggest thing I've had to learn (& the thing our society values least) from being a stay @ home mom. I've also learned that maybe it's wise to rest knowing that if we've made clear conscience decisions with all the wisdom we can muster, & given the rest to God, all will be well, eventually.

Several years ago I chose to give up my career to be that SAHM. Mind you, I'm a Master's Level educated, fully licensed professional (my ego still requires I tell you that), so this was not an easy decision: am I doing the right thing for my children? for myself? What about my education? What about our family's best interests? I've second-guessed it several times, especially when the challenges of rearing 3 very active, bright, busy children, & 'building' our home were a bit too much to carry. When we were still such a young family, shortly after the big decision, I was privileged to catch a glimpse of the Big Picture. I'll share it with you:

7-30-03 "Big boy is @ my parents. Husband, little boy & baby are all asleep upstairs. The house is quiet. It's early, but not that early. That's just it. It's not all that early, & yet I can come down in my PJ's, leave my babies sleeping comfortably in their beds. No rush to get out the door; no urgency to meet a schedule which is unnatural to our family's rhythm. Just a quiet, restful family rhythm. I love days like this.

It has been raining, which is why they're sleeping a little later than usual. ...And so it begins - Husband asks for slacks to be ironed. He has a schedule - and I help him, of course. But no such schedule imposed on my little sleepy heads. They'll have a lifetime of schedules that the world will impose, and they can choose which ones they'll abide. But not now, not as babies, not when the world is so new, not when it's my job to let them just be who they are, & grow into who they're supposed to be.

There will be times when I'll spend money more freely, move about more freely doing my own thing. But that's not these days. These days are for them; and me. These days are to be sure they're solid, secure, healthy & balanced. These days are for babies snuggled in their beds, still sleeping at 7:30 on a rainy weekday morning. I love days like this."

...because, there is a Big Picture, friends. And what JOY is found there - in the ordinary-ness of it, the plain-oldness of it! We forget so easily that JOY, because we so seldom are out from ourselves long enough to catch those glimpses.

Many times since that piece was written, I questioned - again - my decisions. I believe that's normal. And I also believe that's where faith comes in.

Faith: the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Faith: a gift from God, not of ourselves. Not sure we have enough? Pray. Ask for more. And let's be assured that the things (& people) who hold our hopes are in the hands of the One who holds us all.

~~~

Life ~ tender & sweet

Every so often, a person has to lighten up, ya know? (God seems to know just when I need to, & gives me a way.)

Yesterday, I got the sweetest chance I've had in a long time. Our 6 year old daughter lost both her two front teeth on a school field trip. And they even came home w/ the teeth...

& I happened to be at school when they got back...

& I happened to have my camera in my bag (for our 10 year old's Multiplication Tournament)...

When I saw her, she was standing in the midst of her teachers, the Principal & a small bunch of fascinated K'garteners. She was grinning from ear to ear, a big snaggle tooth smile, eager to show me her new mouth & take pictures.

Children lose teeth every day, I know. But to lose both her front teeth in the same day??

We know the Tooth Fairy is a busy pixie, but she had double duty at our house last night. Not to have Tooth Fairy out-done by Santa’s milk & cookies, our little Cookie even left her a hand-made ‘welcome’ letter, complete with an invitation to look under the pillow.

Life is a tender, sweet thing, dear friends. And time is fleeting.

Find the sweetness, soak it in, & smile!

~~~

Brothers.

One vast fortune I have is to have grown up with brothers. They were at one time an aggravation. Dealing with them was an exercise in frustration. They never did what I wanted them to do, what I demanded they do! So many years later, I’m fully aware that my life is blessed because of them. I am a richer & better person because they are my brothers.

They helped make me a more understanding, perhaps a more patient person; a more loving wife. Brothers taught me about life; things I would never have learned on my own. They taught me about toughness & how to appreciate masculinity (even bathroom humor – ugh!). They lived loyalty for me, & showed me how to receive & understand their kind of love. They taught me their antics – me, the direct recipient – & how to see the giftedness of the male spirit. At least for these reasons, I am forever a better wife, mother & hopefully sister.

Whenever they wonder what their purpose is in life, these boys, I want them to remember that part of it is in giving their sister the chance to become the woman she’s supposed to be. It’s their spirit that helps give her an understanding of her place in the world, a contrast to her own giftedness. It’s their brother-ness that helps her get beyond herself to see into the heart of another. I tell this to my brothers because I’m the only sister who can. I’ll tell this to my sons, because their sister won’t know it for years to come. And I’ll tell it to my daughter because she, whether she realizes it now or not, has a vast fortune of her very own.

~~~

Women of privilege. Tough questions.

Jesus said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; & from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Luke 12:48

Tall order?

What does it mean to be a Christian woman in America?

Does our American-ness give us a unique perspective on God?

Does our Christianity give us a unique perspective on life?

Working backward:

Does our Christianity give us a unique perspective on life? Yes. It’s Grace, & freedom through Grace. Freedom to be exactly who we’re supposed to be for the Glory of God.

Does our American-ness give us a unique perspective on God? Yes. Indeed, it does. Stay with me…

If you own the computer through which you view these words, if you’re sitting in a comfortable place, safe from enemies; if you are a woman & you can read (at all), then you’re among a privileged minority of women in the world. American women have these privileges simply because of where we live. Regardless of our socio-economic status, level of education, etc., American women are collectively – by comparison to the rest of the globe – privileged.

We’re part of a nation that elevates women through education, opportunity in the marketplace, access to healthcare for ourselves & our families, & freedom to worship freely without fear of torment. Those who claim ownership of American ‘women’s issues’ will beg to differ with me, but that’s their right. (Get it?)

And yet we don’t realize, don’t truly understand, how deeply fortunate we are; & that this ‘fortune’ is from God. Even as I write, I confess that I don’t have a working understanding of women’s experiences around the world. A Thousand Splendid Suns was enough for me. At least in my head, I get it.

At a Beth Moore event a few years ago, a friend & I scanned the sea of 20,000 women’s faces & asked each other, “What would God do if all these women claimed His will in their lives? What would He do in our churches, our communities, in our country? What a movement of God’s power we would see, & it could be through women!” It was a humbling, awesome prospect.

What does it mean to be a Christian woman in America? Our American-ness, if we’re paying attention, gives us a unique perspective on what God can do with us & our privilege, if we yield it to Him. First, we have to claim it. We have to step out of ourselves, our yearning to complain, our materialism, & acknowledge our blessings. God has mercifully allowed us privilege & blessing in order that we may be a blessing, a force for good in the world. We must be willing to step out of ourselves, step up to our blessing & humbly approach God. When we begin to do that, I believe He will use us to be a blessing in our homes, our communities, our country, & ultimately in our world.

Tall order? Yes. What a privilege.

~~~